No more nursies

My boobs slightly ache and yes, my heart slightly aches too. There are some days he doesn't ask to be nursed but when he does, I have a lot of guilt redirecting his focus. It's hard for any parent to deny their child of something especially when it's readily available. He looks up at me with those big brown eyes and signs "more milk" and it feels awful telling him "no nursies this morning. You just had milk in your sippy." However, my little guy is at an age where I feel pretty comfortable ending our breastfeeding relationship. I will definitely miss snuggling up with him in that way or having that one on one time that is so distinctly different from any other quality time spent with him. This week we went three days without nursing and then one morning out of sheer guilt I caved and now we are back to 2 days without.

Thinking back, I was incredibly worried about not being able to nurse. I did a lot of reading beforehand and attended a breastfeeding workshop at my son's pediatrician's office. It was something I wanted to provide to my son and with the help of a local breastfeeding center which is adjoined to my pediatricians office, as well as his doctors (some of whom are lactation consultants), and some other nursing moms, I feel very fortunate to have had this experience.

I remember the absolute joy I felt when I first nursed him after giving birth. The nurses were supportive and helpful in the hospital as I fumbled with getting him to latch. I remember being incredibly stressed in the NICU the following few days while I waited for my milk to come in, learning to use a breast pump, and having only a 30 minutes every three hours to nurse him when he was removed from the isolet for that very reason.

Coming home from the NICU was a whole other experience. I remember asking Danielle to support my wishes of having just the three of us at home because I really wanted to focus on breastfeeding and didn't want the stress of entertaining or having to leave the room. Nursing was definitely challenging in the beginning. I can't remember if I read it or if someone told me that the first two weeks are the hardest and to keep trudging through no matter what. I was never tempted to give Preston formula but there were times I was tempted to give him a bottle of pumped milk. In the end I never went that route and just like that after two weeks it was much easier.

The first bump in the road months and months laer was flying home after seeing my parents. I was nursing Preston on the plane and he bit me. I remember removing him from my breast and telling him no. Later that night he refused to nurse. I was devastated and heartbroken. My kid had never refused the breast from the day he was born. I was worried he would never nurse again. I was hurt when Danielle offered him a bottle of breastmilk which he took without hesitation. I remember crying that same night because I wasn't ready to end. Needless to say I over reacted because around his 2am feeding he latched on. Even at a young age, he was communicating his unhappiness with my response to his biting. Note, he's bitten me about a total of 3 times his entire life and about twice were done purposely after he was done nursing and was testing the waters. I know a lot of people quit at the sign of the first bite but if neither of you are ready to end, this truly is not a reason to give it up. People also assume just because babies get teeth, it's time to stop, it's not.

At 12 months I was happy with making it that far. It was my plan at birth to stop around 12 months but when we got to that point neither of us were ready to stop. At 14 months we revisited it but continued and it wasn't until around 17 months that I felt we were both getting to the end. Nursing had reduced to the morning when Danielle brought him in and sometimes out of boredom during the day but it felt it was done more out of routine than need.

So here we are, 2 days shy of his 18 month marker. I can finally buy new bras because my breasts won't fluctuate in size. I'm looking forward to snuggling with him in bed without him asking to be nursed. It's a new chapter.

Potty training

We are gearing up to start potty training. I read about a three day approach where they go bottomless for three days and essentially you are on guard for pee/poop action and whisk them on to the potty. This is followed by an enthusiastic potty dance. No snacks, no stickers, no fancy singing potty. I'm drawn to this approach because Preston responds well to a cheer and clapping and will often cheer and clap for himself when he's done something positive. So I haven't decided when we will start because the method also requires you to be somewhat housebound for two of those three days. But in the meantime we are gearing up so the potty isn't seen as a scary thing.



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Couch to 5k

My cheap alternative to the gym plus my love of the outdoors have led me to running. I bought a jogging stroller off Craigslist, downloaded a couch to 5k app, and this weekend I will look for better running shoes. It's time to shed the last 5-10 pounds and ward off any I will undoubtedly gain over the winter.

I ran in college for a semester but that was only to catch the eye of a guy I was interested in. Once I got his attention I stopped. At that time I had a fab body and didn't need to run for a purpose.

So here I am at week 1, day 1. Stay posted.




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Teething Hell (part II)

Why does teething have to cause a disruption to our regularly scheduled program? Preston had a good thing going there. Wake up at 7:30am, nap from 12pm-4pm, and bedtime at 8pm. I mean, we could practically set our watches to this routine. But a vacation in Florida and two molars have f***ed this flow up. Why? I want to scream from the rooftop. Why? Our schedule, if you can call it that now looks like this: bedtime at 8pm, won't fall asleep until 10pm and during those lovely hours cries if you leave the room. Then wake up at 3am. If you have the energy to insist that he stays in his crib, it takes him 1-2 hours to fall back asleep (with you in the room) and if we bring him in to our room, he falls asleep instantly. So as I said, depending on our energy level and our desire not to reinforce this new need for dependence, midnight awakening can either be short or long. If it's short, he wakes up around 7:30am usual. If not, then we are looking at 9am/10am. This then pushes nap time back about 30 minutes but also extends it anywhere from 4pm-5:30pm which then affects bedtime. It's a vicious cycle I tell you. (SN: I started writing this entry in his room while waiting for him to fall asleep).

So why the rant? I think deep down I need some reassurance that we will eventually go back to our regularly scheduled program. I'm not opposed to change, but I also don't like the fact that he is not sleeping through the night anymore or that it's taking him so long to fall asleep. Does his nap during the day need to be shorter? Isn't there a cardinal rule that says never wake a sleeping baby?

The confusing thing is that he doesn't foster dependence at nap time. I lay him in his crib, read a book, kiss him and tell him it's nap time and that I'll see him when he wakes up and leave the room. He lays there, chit chats to himself and then falls asleep. No whining, no tears, no insistence on having us in the room. So what's different about bedtime?

Please someone in blogland, reassure me that this too shall pass?

Teething Hell

I paid a $20 copay to be told that my son is teething. Aggrrr, I jumped the gun again. However, I'd rather pay the $20 and find out it's only that than to either worry not knowing if he's truly sick or find out that he is sick and needs meds. At any rate, we cancelled our DC trip and decided that it would probably be best for him to rest up over the holiday weekend which also allows me a chance to rest as well. If you remember, we just got back from Florida midweek, I work nights...enough said.

So we are in teething hell, which has led to snot hell, fever hell, and I won't fall asleep at night unless I'm in the same room as you hell (I use the word hell very lightly because honestly, it's really not that bad). He continues to remain rather pleasant given the circumstances but periodically gets very whiny. We are on day #3 of a fever that breaks for only a few hours if we are lucky and then returns. Consequently, we are also on day #3 of sleeping in our bedroom. I have a periodic moment of worry that he will not return to his bedroom but I think overall, he just wants to be close by. Through his misery, he continues to be a sweet boy and will seek out tight hugs from us in between play, naps, and having his nose wiped. Have I mentioned how much snot this boy has?

His upper molars have sprouted and the doctor said she can feel his lower ones pushing through. He hasn't teethed in almost 8 months. He has absolutely no use for Sophie because I think he's forgotten her purpose and yet I think she would help if he would give her a try. He loved her when he was younger.

On another note, nursing is starting to dwindle down. I think we are both ready although I'm allowing Preston to lead the way. While we were in Florida there were two mornings that he didn't nurse because my parents got him up and gave him milk and breakfast while I slept in. I've also noticed over the past week or so he's been asking for it less and less during the day. The only sucky thing about all if this is that I'm starting to gain some weight back (sigh).

Anyway, my little guy will be turning 17 months next week. Until then...

It just gets better

There are days that I think "oh this is a fun age" and then a few weeks pass and I think the same thing. It seems like each new day brings about a new skill, word, or action that makes us laugh (see pics of him trying on a pair of glasses that were left at our house). Yesterday, he realized it was fun to walk backwards. So as he would walk forward, he would just randomly stop and walk backwards. He's also learned how to ride backwards in his truck which makes him laugh a lot. New words this weekend include: doggie and night night. He also perfected the words nana and diaper. He's still working on perfecting Gracie. He can say mommy and mama but won't call us by either name. When will that start?

I also noticed that he imitates others, especially Danielle. This is pretty funny when she acts silly and he mimics her. He's very focused at times and will work on something until he gets it right(i.e. fastening a clip). I love his determination and love watching him hard at work.

At the end of May, beginning of June, we bought him two pairs of sandals hoping that they would last him the entire summer. One pair were Tevas to play in and the other, a pair from Stride Rite for when he goes out. I think the Tevas are a size 6 and the others a 6.5. Well last week we noticed that he's completely outgrown them (think toe hanging over and marks left from the others being fastened). So we went to buy him another pair and ended up with Keens in a size, brace yourself, a size 9!!!!!!!!! I know 2 year olds who wear a size 7. In Preston's defense, he's truly a size 8.5 but the salesman who fitted him recommended a 9 to give him room to grow stating if we bought the 8.5, we would be back next week for the next size up. At this rate, this child is going to be in adult shoes by the time he's 5- lol.

We are heading to Florida at the end of the week to visit his grandparents. It's a much needed trip. Why? Because my parents dote all over us by making out favorite food, driving us around, taking Preston in the morning while I sleep in. It's great. It a week of no cleaning, being annoyed because the house or laundry isn't done, or cooking. It's just lovely. We are also taking Preston to Disney for the day. What's better than that? The only downside is there's a potential hurricane and I don't want our flight to be delayed or cancelled getting there.

Anyway until next week, here are some pics of my silly bean.










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16 Months

Preston is a few days shy of turning 16 months. At this point in his life he's gained a few more words which includes "banana (a-naa-na) and eye." I'm sure there's more but I can't think right now. He's really in to giving hugs, like really good tight squeezes, I wanna show you much I love you hugs. He loves to climb and this past month, he's learned how to run which for some reason cracks him up. He loves being chased and chasing others, including the dog and cat.

Last week he went on his first camping trip with me, my best friend and her girlfriend. Being outdoors is so refreshing and I loved that Preston had a chance to get down and dirty. We had a lovely stream that ran steps behind our tent. It was wonderfully cold and refreshing after hiking and playing hard.

Being home with Preston during the day is still working out well. We have tons of fun and still have time to get in a good nap. Preston still naps from 12p-4p. However, the other afternoon he swung his leg over the front of his crib and climbed out. I'm so not ready to convert his crib. Luckily, he only tried it one more time but Danielle caught him in the act and he hasn't tried it again. Someone suggested the crib tent. I think my other option is to put him in the pack and play if things progress or see if I can remove the platform that holds his mattress and put his mattress on the floor inside of his crib (granted there are no gaps for him to get stuck in). I just worry that if I convert his crib, nap time and bed time will become a nightmare. Not to mention that I don't think he's developmentally ready to go in a toddler bed yet. When did you guys convert?

I'm working on maintaining patience while Preston tests limits. I know the situation could be worse so I won't complain but he will purposely look at me while he's doing something I told him not to do (i.e. play in the dog's water bowl, unplug things, go after the cat). I'm trying to avoid giving a huge reaction so not to reinforce it but sometimes it's hard.

Food consistency continues to be an issue. He prefers that his food is pureed somewhat (similar to stage 3 jarred food). However, he will eat fruit, crackers, etc in whole form. He refuses things like cheese, pasta, rice, etc. I'll look forward to the day he eats what we eat. I mean, he will, as long as it's pureed. He's mastered using a spoon and fork for self feeding. My newest favorite baby item is the Baby Bjorn bib. It's catches everything and wipes down nicely.

We are heading to Nana's and Granddad's at the end of the month. My 8 year old cousin is visiting them for the summer and we are going to tag along on their annual Disney World trip. It should be fun.