Why people do the things they do

I got a call last night from a kiddo who I use to see years ago. She was crying hysterically because her father committed suicide by hanging earlier that day. She asked if I could come and see her today. Suicide is such an interesting thing to me. Although I know better (i.e the dynamics around suicide, why people do it, what triggers it) I can't help but feel really sad and angry at the fact that he left behind beautiful children and traumatized the person who found him hanging.

Green Light- Go

There's a rule in the ultrasound changing room that says you cannot ask the tech any questions during the ultrasound. At my clinic you have to wait for a phone call a few hours later from the RE nurse with the results. So imagine my suprise when the tech told me today that my 6mm (although I swore she said cm) cyst was gone and that I only have a small one but I should be good to go. I think she took pity on me because at one point during the ultrasound I closed my eyes and sighed without meaning to. My RE nurse called to confirm. I start taking shots tonight.

Mother's Day

I've tried really hard not to acknowledge Mother's Day this year. Yes, I bought and sent my mother a gift and bought Danielle's mother my usual gift of potted flowers for the garden but up until I read someones blog a few hours ago, I was trying to avoid the emotional connection to Mother's Day. This is my third Mother's Day ttc. I always hope to be "made a mother for mother's day." This was the first year I didn't hold that hope. I think as the time gets closer to my last attempt at ttc, my nerves are getting the best of me. Day 3 u/s should be Monday morning.

Here's what the blog said:
To those who are blessed to have children on earth, to those blessed to have angels in heaven and to those who are mothers in their hearts and just waiting for their miracle, [Happy Mother's Day].

Memorial Day Weekend

Trying to find somewhere to go to over Memorial Day weekend is proving to be a lot tougher than expected. Danielle is agreeable to just getting out of town whereas I want to go somewhere hot, sunny and with a beach. Here's what we've looked at:

• Camping with another couple (one of Danielle's coworker/friends)... could be fun but could also be disastrous. I'm not big into hanging out with coworkers. Danielle hates camping but was the one who suggested it. I've done it once and actually liked it. Would have to go buy camping gear and the idea of not having a hot shower isn't what I exactly had in mind.
  
• Rehoboth Beach- could visit a friend who lives there. It's a 6.5 hour drive. Not sure how hot it will be and I think the water will still be cold. Could end up costing the same amount if we go somewhere that is definitely warm.
• Atlantis. Nassau, Bahamas- A girl can dream.


• A weekend cruise on Royal Caribbean- It leaves it on Friday at 5pm. I work that day and can't get it off. Now, that would have been fun. The two ports of call are two of my favorite.
• Fort Lauderdale- no reason in particular for this location but there's a beach, shopping, and the ability for me to work on my tan (lol) and read in the sun on a sandy beach. Danielle is not sure she wants to spend that much for a few days in the sun.
• Las Vegas- Danielle's favorite playground. We found some decent prices but it can end up being pricey. We both enjoy playing poker.
• Los Angeles- Normally I would jump all over this idea. I would love to see my friend Erica, there are beaches, but it feels like there's way too much stuff to do in such a short weekend. The flight alone takes up a lot of time. Our original plan was to make this our summer vacation spot when we would have more time to sight see.
• Staying home and doing nothing- sigh!

I'm open to suggestions. Think warm/hot, sunny, beachy, not too too expensive.

On a ttc note: If I recall from my college days of taking bcp's, af should arrive when I get to the white placebo pills. If that is the case, my day 3 u/s will be on Saturday. Fingers crossed that the cyst shrunk and I can move on with my last try. I just want to get it over and done with. Now that's the spirit eh? lol.

ETA: Just realized that af will start when the placebo pills end not start. So that means my day 3 u/s will be next Saturday.

Baby Shower Day

In four hours, I have two baby showers to attend. I can do this.

UPDATE: I had a great time at both showers. Both friends are so dear and have been so supportive throughout my journey. Even during one of the showers, my friend Shirley asked how my journey was going. Just such a sweet gesture when this was clearly her day and should have been the last thing on her mind. I felt wonderful in my dress. Sometimes it's funny how small things like a new dress, shoes, or a new shade of eye shadow can make you feel pretty.

At the second baby shower, I found out from my friends that the third baby shower mama gave birth to her twins 16 weeks early. My heart just ached at the news. C and her husband ttc'd for 6 years before getting pregnant with twins. She's been there, done that when it comes to going to every one's baby showers and wondering when it will be her turn so I was ecstatic when she announced her pregnancy. She gave birth to two girls (they didn't want to find out the sex until birth). However, both girls weigh a little over 1 pound each. One seems to be doing a little better than the other but if you can, please please please just keep both girls in your thoughts and prayers. C, is such a wonder woman. So kind, caring, and generous. I just want her babies to pull through and be healthy. She's waited so long for these precious children.

Longing

Returning home has been incredibly depressing (except for seeing Danielle). I miss the sun, the warm temps and the beach like crazy. I miss the nice neighborhood where people take pride in caring for their property and wave to you as they pass by. I miss all of the fun activities to do because it's so warm outside. Returning home to 50 degree weather, rain, and clouds sucked.

Me at 3

The other morning my dad dug out the photo album and we had a good laugh looking over old photos. Here's one of me at age 3. My mother knitted that outfit for me. The hilarious thing in this pic is the wallpaper. Can you imagine that at one point it was sold in stores, let alone in style?