Well it's not dirty per se, more like something I'm having a difficult time with and feel embarrassed about because my other mommy friends don't seem to have the same struggle that I do. I will preface this entire post by owning that this is my issue and not the baby's.
Preston has been sleeping in the cradle next to me for the past 7 months. I love having him close by and it's served it's purpose for breastfeeding easily during the night and being able to tend to his needs. I've never felt sleep deprived because it's been so easy to pull him in to bed with me and nurse while we are both half asleep. However, with much regret it has to come to an end and the thought of it literally makes me sick to my stomach and well up with tears.
To be completely honest, I don't want him to move out. I love having him close by. I don't want to get up at 4am and pad in to his room to nurse him. I want to remain cozied up in my warm bed with him just an arm length away. I don't want him to completely awaken because it takes me more time to realize he's crying in the next room. I don't want him to think that I've abandoned him (extreme, I know but honestly it goes through my head). I don't want to deal with sleeping with my door open because it's always freaked me out and I don't think I've ever slept with the door opened since I had control of it. I don't want to have to worry about someone breaking in to our home again and being paralyzed with fear and not being able to protect my son (yes, it was 3 years ago but it still triggers anxiety. Btw- the house is on the market). I want to know that if anything happens to him, I'm right there.
However, I know in my heart it's time to transition him (me? no him). He has a beautiful crib in his room that he's never slept a full night in. He takes naps in there and starts out each night in there until it's time for me to go to bed. However, the cradle next to my bed is only suppose to go up to 15 pounds and my son now weighs 23.7 pounds. Not only that, it's becoming a safety concern because this weekend he perfected his ability to pull to his feet. He doesn't try to stand in the cradle but he tries to sit up which could lead to him very easily tipping out of it. And lastly, my 7 month old is TALL. I noticed the other day that he's pretty much the entire length of the cradle.
So what to do, what to do? I've considered pulling him in to our queen sized bed with us but it's difficult to get a good night's sleep with him in there all night because he spreads out and Danielle and I are plastered to the edge of the bed so not to impose on his space. It's funny to think about a 7 month old taking over!!! I've also considered buying an Arms Reach bed which I could kick myself for not doing in the first place because then I wouldn't have to address this issue for a few more months. But to spend that money for a few more months doesn't make much sense. I've considered bringing his pack and play in to our room but I'm not convinced that would make for a comfortable overnight sleeping space for him. I hate putting him in it for even a short nap. So I'm going to relent and admit that it's time for him to move in to his own room.
I don't want to I tell you. I feel like kicking and screaming. I've been reading Dr. Sears book on Attachment Parenting. He 100% endorses co-sleeping. However, they talk about the possibility of cosleeping with kids until age 4. I was thinking maybe 1 with Preston (age 4 is a bit of a stretch for me). I was hoping they would talk about transitioning (maybe in hopes of validating my feelings) but what they wrote didn't feel relevant to me. I've read both in Dr. Sears book and elsewhere that a reason working full time moms enjoy co sleeping or having their baby close by at night is because it's a way for them to bond over the missed hours during the day while mom was at work and baby at daycare. I totally subscribe to that thought.
So I'm coming up with my own game plan. I ran it past Danielle, and while she said she'd support me on it, I think she thinks I'm a lunatic.
Game plan A: this week is a short work week. Starting Wednesday night I will put Preston in to his crib at his usual bedtime. Nurse and change him when it's time for me to go to bed and put him back in his crib. At 4am when he wakes up to nurse, retrieve him from his crib and bring him back to our bed as usual until the morning. Once he stops with the 4am feeding (an entire post by itself) leave him in his room until the morning.
Game plan B: starting Wednesday, put him in his crib at night. I sleep in his room on the aero bed and work my way out of his room over the following few days (weeks? j/k. maybe).
I'm wondering if this is going to be much easier than anticipated. Maybe the thought just seems more anxiety provoking than the actual action. I remember when Preston was a few months old, I couldn't bare the thought of leaving him. However, a friend, encouraged me to have a date night with Danielle for a few hours. The idea seemed so difficult but I forced myself to do it, discussing my feelings with Danielle and once we were out, we had a blast.
Dang, who knew it would be so. Honestly, if you had asked me about this when I was pregnant I would have laughed so hard. My initial plan was to have him in our room for about 3 months and then transition.
4 comments:
It is hard. But know it is way harder on the mam than on the baby. I think you'll be surprised how quickly he adapts. If you don't want him out of your room is there room in your bedroom to set up his crib. That way he'll still be close but in the crib. Good luck!
do these mommy friends of yours breastfeed? because i cant imagine NOT having this problem when you are a breastfeeding mama. bird slept in our bed and nursed all night long until she was 10.5 months old, so for whatever its worth, you are not alone!
its a really hard transition to make (bird cried, i cried, R cried..), but i will say that it's worth it in the end. we all get better sleep now.
i wont hijack your comment section with a this-is-how-we-did-it story, but if you want to email me, id be happy to chat with you more. its nice to have support during this transition.
good luck, and happy thanksgiving!
i was anxious about gp moving into her own room. i was scared, not for the reasons you listed, but for a whole host of my own.
tl meanwhile, was ready for gp to go...
i second the suggestion of crib in room, if you have the space. that may help you both transition.
Farty and I shared my room until he was about 6 months. At that point, I realized we were waking each other up, and he went to his room across the hall, with his crib literally less than 15 feet from my bed. He had no problem, but for a few nights, I was the one getting up to check constantly. It did get better though. Good luck!
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