Saturday, January 22, 2011

Cry or not to cry it out?

Last week, during Preston's 9 month check up, his doctor spent some time giving us sleep advice. Preston, who was a great sleeper, has totally regressed. He pitches a fit and has a complete meltdown with snot and tears whenever he sees us leaving the room. Once upon a time, we could leave Preston fully awake in his crib and he would fall asleep without protest. He also started to wake up several times a night. The doctor we saw that day assured us that he should be sleeping through the night. He also strongly advocated the cry it out method, complete with handout. While crying it out didn't really gel with either of us, we listened to him, read his packet and decided to give it a while. Being a therapist, I completely understand behavior modification, conditioning, etc so it made sense that by going in whenever he started to pitch a fit just reinforced the behavior. But on the other hand I've spent the last 9 months creating this nurturing relationship that it seemed kind of harsh but I went along anyway.

Well lets just say, we're all still traumatized from trying it out. We did what the doctor instructed us to do... follow through with our usual routine: bath, nurse, story, and putting him in his crib. Allow him to cry for 2 minutes. Go in and reassure him that he was okay and then leave for the rest of the night. The poor kid was melting horribly. The wailing was insane. Three minutes after going in to check on him, we heard a loud thud, no crying, and then intense wailing. We rushed to his room to find that he had fallen out of his crib and was crawling towards the door trying to get to us. I will never forget that scene. He was a complete mess. Probably the worst I've ever seen him. Needless to say, we failed the challenge because we brought him to bed with us for the rest of the night.

The rest of the week was spent problem solving. By Thursday we remembered that we had a pack and play and set it up in our bedroom. I'm not sure if we are taking 3 steps back but it's working. Thursday, he woke up only once during the night and last night he slept the entire night. Maybe he just needs us close by right now. The goal is to get him to the point where he sleeps through the night (or waking up just once around around 5am) and then transition back to his room and hopefully back to his crib. The crib is on the lowest setting and right now, I'm just really apprehensive about placing him in it. The bruise on his face is a constant reminder and doesn't make me really eager to put him back. We actually placed him in the crib one evening and he attempted to get out again by swinging his arm over as though he was reaching for the floor. Luckily, we were there and intervened. but I suppose that's how he fell the first night. I also think that we tried to work on his sleep issues at the wrong time. We just got back from vacation 2 days prior to his 9 month check up. He had us 24/7 for 10 straight days. The only time I wasn't with him was for an hour on my birthday when I went to the casino on the cruise ship. He spent half of the cruise in the Ergo so it's not surprising that he developed some separation anxiety.

So for now, we will not be following the cry it out method. I'm not sure what I'm doing is the best thing for him overall but it feels right and I've parented so far by what feels right so we'll see.

5 comments:

luckyduck said...

Cry it out didn't sit well with me either. But that doesn't mean my babies didn't cry when I did sleep training. Izzy slept great at about 5 months, could put down awake most times. Jack was my problem baby. He required nursing and rocking and gently putting him down, just to wake up every two hours (at some point in the night I would give up and cosleep/nurse through the rest of the night.) It was no longer working for me, or for him as he was a very tired baby. Two days shy of his birthday I began sleep training. I stopped nursing him to sleep. When he got sleepy, I put him in his bed. He cried, I picked him up, but wouldn't nurse him. He cried, I held him. When he got sleepy again, I put him in his crib. I did this for about a week, and then I could put him down (I had to stay with my hands on his belly). Then I weaned off of touching him, and then weaned my way out of the room.

He still wakes up once about 3 times a week, occasionally twice. I just go to him and nurse him and put him back down. I don't mind at this point, and will night wean when I am tired of it!

So I think you need to decide what part of the sleeping issues no longer work for the 3 of you. Then plan backwards for weaning some of the supports and decide how much crying you are willing to tolerate.

If my babies cry at initial put down, now, I let them. I know that they are capable to fall asleep on their own, that I just tended to all their needs, etc. If they become hysterical or it lasts more than 10 minutes I do go in and help them to fall asleep.

Jack definitely wants someone to be in the room. . . good thing he shares with his sister. I think if he were a singleton, he'd have been in his pack n play in our room for a long time!

About the climbing out. . . think about the pros and cons of a crib tent. My sister used one and it was a life saver!

Jess said...

Go with what feels right for you!!! Sydnee is relentless with crying too. She's not a good sleeper at all still. I have to give her a bottle before bed and I'm lucky if she falls asleep after finishing it, but she'll usually wake up after 30mins if I'm lucky and wont go back to sleep untill a couple of hours later. Our nights have been real awful lately. She wants to play all the time. The only way I've found that works is if she doesn't take any of her cat naps and gets real tired before bed. I would have freaked out as I'm sure you both did when you found out he fell out of his crib. Scary!!!
What were his stats at his appointment?

Melissa said...

Wow! That would have been traumatizing to me too. It's funny how babies go through so many different cycles. Jackson is now in the cycle of I fall asleep without a peep and sleep until 5am cycle. 2 weeks ago I had to sit next to his crib holding his hand until he fell asleep. It's constantly changing and you need to do what's right for you. I couldn't do CIO either. I do leave him in his room to cry for 15min or so though and most of the time he settles himself and goes to sleep. If he was climbing out of his crib though I don't know what I would do!!

Anonymous said...

I never could stand to do CIO with iether of my kids. It just seemed cruel to me.
Ceara's 1st year is kind of a sleep deprived haze because she was never a good sleeper and was climbing out of her crib before her 1st birthday too. She ended up in my bed almost every night, and I just resigned myself to it, mostly because I was single and had no one else to negotiate bed space with.
Farty has been a good sleeper from the start, but just in the past month or so we've sort of gone backwards I guess you could say. He used to go straight to his crib (which he refuses to give up, believe me, I've tried) and sleep from 7pm to 5am. Lately though, maybe because of my more demanding job/extra hours, he's been laying down in my bed w/me and we both end up falling asleep. I just put him back in his own bed around 10-11 and he sleeps the rest of the night there. I think it's my guilt and my want/need for the extra snuggle time that led to this. But since we're all getting sleep, I don't care, we're doing what works for our family.
I know what you mean about the traumatization...I will never forget walking into Ceara's room and seeing her dangling on the outside of the crib rail, wailing because she couldn't pull herself back in, but was scared to let herself drop to the floor. After that, I piled pillows on the floor around her crib, and she did climb out a few more times before I gave in and bought a toddler bed (which she didn't use anyway, just kept climbing into my bed).
Hopefully Preston will go back to a more restful routine soon. If not, well, I guess we survive, right? I tell myself a lot 'they can't be like this FOREVER!'

Unknown said...

Oh gosh - imagining little Preston crawling towards the door hurt and crying just brought a little tear to my eye. That must have been a rough night on all of you! We are at our wit's end with sleep, too. Hope things turn around quickly!