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Emotional Ouch

Last evening Preston went on strike and refused to nurse. After an hour of crying, screaming and refusing to go to bed despite being exhausted, Danielle handed him a bottle of pumped milk and he instantly went to sleep. So much for thinking he wasn't feeling well, had gas, or that I ate something that made my milk taste bad. To be totally honest, my feelings were hurt. It felt like utter rejection. Now while I know that my 8 month old doesn't have the capacity to be intentionally hurtful or be angry because I didn't make it to daycare at lunch to visit him like i usually do, or be upset at the memory or my stern voice the day before, man did it sting.

So I went to bed now eager to go in and console him at 2am and that little bugga didn't even wake up! He slept the ENTIRE night. I woke up at 6:15am to check on him and brought him to bed to nurse, which he did.

So he nursed while sleeping. Great right? No. To make things worse, I got my monthly breastfeeding newsletter email this morning and what was this months topic? Weaning.

I haven't really given weaning much thought. I just automatically assumed that we'd nurse until his first birthday. I know I'm jumping the gun. One evening of not nursing doesn't mean our breastfeeding relationship is coming to an end but I guess I have to consider it right? The thought makes me ill. Hopefully, it was just a fluke. I mean he exclusively breastfed our entire trip without any problems (we were just in Florida visiting grandparents). Last night was the first time he refused the breast.

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Ouch

We are 36 weeks in to our breastfeeding relationship and it wouldn't be a relationship without a bump or two in the road right?

Last night Preston bit me twice while nursing. Both were towards the end when he was just grazing and playing. The first time I ignored it but removed him. The second time I told him "no" in a stern voice. Well talk about mommy guilt. He looked up at me with those bright brown eyes and his lip quivered. It was a look of surprise from the sound of my voice and hurt that I would use that voice and take the boob away. We went back to nursing a little later on with a better outcome. I'm not sure I'll ever forget that look.

The other bump has to do with Preston instituting a 2am feeding. If I go to his room to console him, he spits his binky out and wails louder and louder until I give in and nurse him. So tonight we are going to switch it up a bit and send Danielle in. I know he will fall asleep if she rubs his back or face.

Fingers crossed.
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Recommendations please

We are going on our annual cruise next month. This time with Preston. I'm debating on whether to lug my full size stroller or invest in an umbrella stroller. My friend thinks we should buy a cheap $20 stroller but Danielle and I are both very tall and I refuse to be hunched over all week. So we're looking for a lightweight stroller that reclines and is ergonomically suitable for tall people. Any recommendations? I've heard great things about McClarens.

P.S. I'm also bringing my Ergo because we never leave home without it. It's an absolute life saver.

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Christmas Joy

Ahhh, we are getting ready for Christmas. Unlike any other Christmas, this one is filled with buying toys, thinking about which family traditions we want to encorporate in to our own, taking pictures with Santa, and ordering photo christmas cards. It's very exciting.

We're leaving for Florida on Thursday to have an early Christmas with my parents. I'm looking forward to laying out in the sun. Christmas in Florida is always funny to me. Palm trees donned with christmas lights and not a flake in sight.

Last Night

Yep, it's getting a little easier. Last night he didn't make it in to our bed not even once. I'm trying to work on nighttime feedings so that he only wakes up at 4am but I realize that with any new change comes a little disruption so for now it's up twice a night. Thank god for the cozy glider and soft warm blanket to get us through those middle of the night feedings.


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