The new RE

We will be meeting with the RE July 2nd to discuss what's next. Luckily for me, the ice princess RE is on vacation so I was scheduled with the other RE. Wahoo!!! In the meantime I accepted a new job. It was a really tough decision. I will dearly miss my clients and coworkers. However, its time to move on and time to make more money to support our ttc journey.

On to plan M

With every cycle that goes by you begin to evaluate what went wrong, what you can do to improve the upcoming cycle, and what you want to keep the same. After 10 tries and 16 months, I think it's time to move on to IUI's. I was really trying to avoid them thinking that I could get pregnant without this next level of treatment but lets face the facts, it's just not happening. So I contacted the Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) my OB referred me to last year and got some information. It is going to cost $280 a month for the IUI on top of everything else. However, I'll have to wait out a cycle before I can have the IUI. They will use that cycle to do additional bloodwork to make sure I am ovulating and an ultrasound, I suppose to check if/when my egg(s) are being released. Luckily for me, my insurance will cover this testing but they will not, I repeat, will not cover the IUI. Really are you that surprised? Why would they cover the procedure I really need them to? Friggen figures.

So here's plan M: We will do one more try at home during the cycle they do all of the testing just for shits and giggles and then in August we will do the IUI. I will drop the acupuncture. As much as I enjoyed it, I will have to use that money towards the IUI's. We will use 1 vial instead of 2 of the same donor. We will continue using opk's and the monitor as well as checking cm and the opening of my cervix. Finally, we will insem 12-16 hours post +opk. Oh, and we will continue with my last round of 50mg of Clomid. Maybe when I meet with the RE, she will increase it to 100mg although I am really leery of going up another dose but I'll talk that over with her when the time comes.

It's a no go

I tested this morning and it was negative, so glaringly negative. To add to it, my temp dropped. So at 13dpo, I don't think there is much hope for a bfp this cycle. For those ttc, trust me it never gets easier.

Dreams

Last night I had my elevator dream. This is one of the two common crazy dreams that I've been having for years.

Elevator dream:
I get into an elevator, sometimes there are people in there with me but mostly I'm by myself. The door closes and it just free falls--FAST! We must fall at least 30 stories. Sometimes the lights go out and sometimes they stay on. No one ever gets hurt but I'm terrified and sometimes there's nothing to hold on to.

Backseat driver dream:
I am in a car by myself and I am on the drivers side but in the backseat. Somehow the car is moving and I have to steer it from the backseat. I am always on a bridge and I have to manage to get the car across the bridge.


What do you think this all means? I have my own thoughts but what do you Freudians think? BTW, this isn't the first time I've had my elevator dream during the tww.

POAS withdrawal

If I had a stick, I would surely pee on it. Luckily for me and my wallet, we don't. Testing is on Sunday (13dpo). Stay tuned.

Back away from the thermometer

I don't even know what happened, I totally caved and temped yesterday and today. Heck, I think if I'm honest with myself, I did it on Saturday as well. I was doing so well. I wonder if I was going through an unconscious withdrawal because somehow it was in my mouth over the weekend. I don't even know why because at this point in the game, the temps aren't that significant. They are going to be up regardless. It's towards the end of the week they would matter to see if they are still elevated (indicating possible pregnancy) or if they've dropped (indicating that I have to prepare myself to do this all over again next month).

Speaking of doing it all over again next month, I seem to go through this thing where I psych myself out by telling myself I'm not pregnant. Then, in following suit with "The Secret"I reframe my thoughts and say something positive. I guess after 10 tries, there is a glimmer of hope but deep down I don't expect this month to be any different than the other 9 months. Maybe I do it so that I won't be that disappointed, who knows. Even though I am trying to think positive, I've been thinking that maybe I'll take a cycle off, save up enough money and start exploring IUI's. It is going to cost me about an extra $400 out of pocket it seems. I'll have to call and find out for sure. I was referred to an RE in the past but I didn't really like her and felt that I couldn't put up with her icy personality if she was going to look at my yoohoo each month. It would be just way too personal to even go there so I may seek out another office closer to my house and with less frigid doctors. But hopefully, I won't even need to pursue that idea because ladies and gentlemen, I am BFP Bound. It has to happen to me at some point right? <----- This is where you enthusiastically nod your head yes and say "of course it will Lisa."

5 dpo and counting

Today I am 5 dpo. I went in for my second round of acupuncture this morning at 10am. I was a little freaked out because she reminded me of my boss and who the hell wants to think about their boss on their day off? But she was very friendly nevertheless. Anyway, she inserted needles in the same spots as last time but didn't put any on my stomach so that we could "nurture the [possible] pregnancy."

As far as the tww, I've been doing exceptionally well. This time next week may be a different story. The 1ww is always worse than the 2ww because if you are going to experience any symptoms (real or imaginary) the 1ww is when you'll have them.

On another note, Danielle has successfully convinced me out of my haircut. However, I'm only postponing it until September. She made a very good point this week when I was having a terrible hair day due to the 90 degree weather and humidity that I would look a wreck if I had short hair and I had to agree. So until the humidity dies down, I'll stick with my long hair (sigh).

Bringing sexy back

I need a change. My hair is so blah. It's all one length and not sexy. So I'm contemplating cutting it short. Danielle is totally against it because she is not a fan of short hair and was traumatized as a child by a bob all gone wrong, but I don't know, I think it will be kind of fun. The only thing I am concerned about is worrying if I can rock it like it supposed to. Here are some of the contenders... Which do you like best?

Opening the door to the tww

Today marks our entrance into the tww. I am tossing the thermometer aside and will navigate my way through the tww as graceful as possible. I decided not to continue temping just because for me, it adds too much stress and unnecessary heartache.

The Sex and the City movie was FANTASTIC!!!! We laughed, we cried, we gasped. It was so good seeing those girls again. I really loved seeing other women in the auidence as excited to see the movie (almost giddy) as I was. Our chairs were very comfy and as a treat we will do it again at some point.

Today is beautiful outside. Danielle and I are going shopping and I can do a little gardening later while we cook out on the grill. I love summer.

Well wish me luck everyone.