Everyone has an opinion right? Going through ttc for the past 2 years has elicited a rainbow of emotions, some of which I didn't know I was capable of expressing. However, I'm trying to figure out how I feel about the Suleman mother of now 14 children. I think part of me is jealous, part of me is angry that she is so "la la, I'm in my own world because deep down I have unresolved childhood issues that I never addressed and now I have 14 children, no steady income, a plan to use student loans to feed my 14 children and I see nothing wrong with this picture but I spent $100k on IVF treatments at a shitty clinic with crappy birth/pregnancy rates but I never thought to save any of that money I earned from a disability claim for a rainy day or to support my already 6 children" attitude about the the whole thing and the other part is annoyed with the doctor who put back 6 embryo's. After reading an article, I wonder if he was desperate to increase his pregnancy/birth rate.
Last night I got into a one sided argument with my father about this. I say it was one sided because I refused to engage in it. My dad is Jamaican and not to stereotype but there are a lot of strong beliefs about family, same sex couples, etc with that culture. While I love my dad, I realize that part of his thoughts and beliefs are based upon never having to experience what I'm going through. We both agreed that the doctor was irresponsible. However, my dad seems to think that every child should have a mother and father to raise them and that people shouldn't spend hundreds (ha ha, if he even knew- make that thousands) of dollars on fertility procedures. The kicker was the comment (x2) about how proud he was of my brother for having a (traditional) family. I left the conversation feeling wounded. I recently disclosed to my mother that I was ttc and I think she told my dad. This conversation about the Suleman woman was his way of telling me he didn't approve of what I was doing but I digress, because my days of doing everything to please my parents are long gone. Yet why do I feel incredibly guilty about it?
Anyway, check out the article. Dateline has an interview with Ann Curry tonight at 10pm. The fertility clinic the woman went to sucked. It has a horrible pregnancy and birth rate. The article I read said of 52 IVF procedures done in 2006, only 5 resulted in pregnancies and 2 resulted in live births. Maybe I need to have a work injury to afford IVF (note sarcasm). I'm sorry, I'm trying to come to some conclusion about this woman possibly being a victim of her doctor's malpractice? What do you think?
9 comments:
i got into what turned into a heated discussion about this with some other TTC bloggers. i disagreed with them about the comments they made about the lady.
this was pre-her coming forward with her story, and honestly, i didn't think it was right for people to speculate about her life without knowing any hard facts. apparently, i am wrong for believing that people should be able to state their case before being judged. i'm also a strong believer in innocent until proven guilty. but perhaps that comes from a background of always being pre-judged.
anywho, while what she has done may be seen as irresponsible in the majority of circles, i can also understand her longing to have children - in my view it's not different than anyone else's longing in the TTC community. i don't think we can place stipulations on who does and doesn't deserve a child(ren) or how many they deserve. afterall, we aren't in control anyway - that's the resounding theme of this whole journey.
i figure since the IVF doctor sucked so much, and she was able to conceive these children with said horrible doctor, they clearly have a purpose and reason for being here, and it's not my place to judge the divine.
meanwhile, i'm sorry to hear about dad. i completely know what you mean on the whole cultural tip when it comes to alternative family structures and the like. i've had quite a few friends from the island.
i struggle with the need to have approval from the parental units and i still haven't gotten it yet. i don't know if that is something that will fad in time, if the need will slowly go away, or if it's a whole i will deal with forever. i wish i didn't need it though.
hey,
No I have had it up there for a minute...lol
You always missing the songs woman...and as for Octopussy...she is straight up crazy...I was starting to "kinda' understand but today when it came out about how she lied about alot......its just a shame at this point. I totally understand the longing but she clearly has some issues going on with her...I do wish the babies all the best thou.
It makes me upset that this woman is having so many children, without resources to care for them. Especially having struggled so long to have my kids. If she has such an intense longing for children,(6 aren't enough?!?)why not consider foster care or adoption? Perhaps she knows deep down that she has some serious psychological issues, and might not be found competent to be a foster/adoptive parent?
I can't bring myself to place ALL the blame on the doctor. She is the one who actively sought out his services, and didn't object (as far as I know) to having all those embryos transferred. I'm not condoning that he did it, I personlly find it unethical to set up those babies for long term health problems associated with being so tiny/premature. But she is an adult, and made a choice to let him perform the transfer.
I think that any woman has the right to have a family, but also has the responsibility to do what's best for her children. And that may include not having litters of children.
So sorry about your dad. My dad doesn't really approve of my decision to be a SMC. But he loves my kids, so I guess that's all I can ask for.
sorry about your dad's comments, that's rough not to have his support.
my mom asked me yesterday if we were going to transfer 8. wtf? its unfortunate that this woman's story is the only context most people have for fertility treatments.
This story makes me SO mad!!
From the articles I've read this women is obsessed with having babies. Her parents filed for bankruptcy before this women got pregnant again, then this women claimed to have hurt her back at her job and then used the money that she got from it for IVF. Also she insisted on her doctor putting so many embryos back. She said she wanted them all put back in. I feel sorry for the grandparents. They are raising the other kids and begged their daughter to not do another IVF cycle since they couldn't affort the 6 other one she had. The grandmother has said the kids have to sleep in bunkbed since there are only 3 bedroom in the house so where are they suppose to fit the other 8 babies? and who is going to pay for the bigger house she says they are going to get? Her parents would have no credit and her isn't working. But then again she has said she wants 2 million for her story to Operah. So maybe she'll get it. She wants a show like Jon and Kate plus 8, i'm sure she'll get it. I'm glad the 8 babies are doing great but am so mad that this women did this on purpose and couldn't even afford to take care of her other 6. Oh and her kids father is a known donor. He wanted to marry this women but she wants to raise her kids on her own so her mother is mad about that. and her RE needs to have his/her licence taking away for this.
Also I'm sorry about your father not liking your decision! My father is the only person in my family who doesn't know about me TTC with DS.
My mom has also told me you better not try for 8 babies or look out you might get 8 babies. It's so annoying!
Jess- I heard the same thing about her wanting a show like Jon and Kate. I happen to love Jon and Kate and would not watch her show. Just like I cannot bring myself to watch 17 and counting because I feel like there is something psychological about having that many children.
Everyone- thanks for your response. This is just such an interesting case. Also thanks for your responses to my dad. I love him but hate that he doesn't make any attempts to understand.
I am right there with you. This is a weird story and weirder reality. Her actions are not responsible. unfortunately this story has me debating fertility treatments with people who know nothing about them. She was not your average patient. But, because of her people believe everyone is implanted with 6 embryo's.
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