Sitting out

I'm sitting out on the sidelines this time around. I generally get a +opk and peak reading on cd 14 but this time around I got them on cd 13. A day too early because the bank doesn't open back up for business until tomorrow. I'm okay with it though because it gives me a chance to relax, exercise and get prepared for injectables. It sounds like that cycle will be very expensive with u/s so maybe it's all for the best.

In the meantime, we are enjoying life, some new friends that we made, the Fall and planning for upcoming holidays, Danielle's birthday, and trips.

Okay, gotta run. We are going to Italian Days with Danielle's family.

Simple Pleasures

This weeks simple pleasures:
- shopping for dresses for our cruise
- English hot chocolate with whipped cream
- cozying up on the couch watching the fall line up
- my kicked up grilled cheese (Munster cheese, bacon, sliced apples) with a glass of wine
- not worrying about ttc
- Danielle making it to level 8 on Super Mario Brothers 3 (wahoo!)
- SATC released on dvd (can't wait to watch it this weekend)

On hold

We put the injectables on hold for a cycle. Through all of the excitement I forgot that our bank is closed until the 29th. From the sounds of it, there would be a possibility the injectables would make me o earlier than usual. You would think I would be bummed right? But actually I'm really okay with it. It's just nice to know there is a back up plan waiting in the wings.

Thai Night

My friend Tiffany is a foodie just like me. Every once in a while we'll get together to make something I found in one of my Bon Appetite or Gourmet magazines. Well last month we decided we were going to try making Thai food. We both love Thai food and recently Danielle developed a new appreciation for it. My trip to the Asian grocery store this morning was quite interesting and gave me a sense of what it must be like to move to a foreign country and not speak/read the language. I relied heavily on pictures to guide my way and I was lucky enough to find a bilingual stock boy towards the end of my trip. Anyway, we decided to make a vegetable soup which had coconut milk in it, corn fritters with a roasted red pepper and tomato dip, panang curry with chicken and vegetables and several fruity alcohol drinks (non-Thai but ever so delicious). Everything came out great. We had so much fun making it but man do I have a headache from those drinks. It seems like nowadays I can't even have one drink without getting a headache. But they were sooooooooooooo good.

Pay it forward (the receiving end)

I feel so fortunate at times. Today was one of those days. I received an email this morning with the offer of supporting my ttc journey by donating two boxes of injectables. Talk about being surprised. Yesterday, when we met with the RE and she brought it up, we never really went into much detail about it because I just felt it was out of reach. We knew we really couldn't afford it. So it just felt like such a blessing when I got this email.

So who's my little earth angel? It's Gia.

Initially I didn't think we could get it started this cycle because you are suppose to do the first injection on cd 3 (which is today). However my RE coordinator said we could start it on cd 4 the latest. We weren't sure if we could get it shipped in time and by the afternoon I told the RE coordinator that I was going to proceed with the Clomid and explore injectables next month if this cycle was a bust but then Gia called me saying it was being Fed Ex'd overnight and will arrive at 10:30am. So in the morning I just have to call the RE and tell her we changed our minds and will try injectables this month.

I am both incredibly nervous and excited. I feel extremely overwhelmed. Gia, being the technology forward woman she is, said she will make a video for me showing me what to do to decrease some of my anxiety. My stomach has been in knots all day.

Anyway, I just want to say thanks Gia. You are incredibly kind and generous. You didn't have to do this for me and you sure as hell didn't have to act as fast as you did to get it to me overnight. I really and truly appreciate it.

RE Consult

I left the RE's office today feeling no more confident than when I walked in. She is not changing the protocol, at all. She said that everything is in working order, my levels are good, I ovulate on my own, etc. She told us that there is only a 10% chance of conceiving this way and we just have to just keep on keeping on. She assures us that it will happen. I had to remind her that this is our 13th time. We've been doing this for 19 months! It should have happened by now. I am sick of waiting for it to be my turn. Danielle is floored by the 10% statistic and I think it has discouraged her a bit. However, we didn't come this far to throw in the towel now.

It's a....

GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!

Niece or Nephew

Today, my brother and SIL find out if they are having a boy or a girl. I cannot wait for them to call this afternoon. I'm rooting for a little boy. The other day while Danielle and I were in Target we came across a baby swing that had a mp3 player attached. I am so amazed at how gadget-y baby products are.

Weekend events:
Saturday- Date day. Lunch at Red Robin. The guacamole bacon cheeseburger is soooo good and then we went to see "A Family that Preys". It was pretty good.

Sunday- We hopped in the car and headed to the casino. I won some money playing Texas Hold 'Em and Let it Ride. Apparently there was a storm brewing that we had no clue about before we left so we had a long drive home because there were downed trees and no electricity. We didn't bring out GPS with us so we came home on a prayer. When we got back to Pgh, the power was out at home as well until 5am. It was kind of cool.

I have a meeting with the RE this Wednesday.

Chicken soup is good for the soul

Today felt like the first indication of fall. It was rainy when I woke up and it was just one of those days that I wanted to stay in bed, watch movies, and read. I must have needed some comforting because I made homemade chicken soup when I got home which reminded me of my parents.

As for tww land, not much is going on. Testing is in 2-3 days.

Why is this happening to me?

Why is this happening to me? Seriously, I'm a ttc veteran. I've been there, done that. I'm not suppose to get caught up. I'm suppose to be immune to all of this nonsense. After about my fifth cycle I stopped reading into every little twinge, burp, and niggle. I know how powerful the brain can be in creating fake symptoms and making you believe you are pregnant when really you're not so why is this happening to me now? Now, at month 19 and cycle 12.

Of all people, trust me, I know it is waaaaayyyy too early to even experience the things I'm experiencing and I'm attributing them to my new work schedule. But if I am truly pregnant I will apologize to all of the whiny, suburban housewives on BBC birth boards who already have like 4+ children and are acting like this is their first pregnancy asking ridiculous questions like "I farted today, do you think I'm pregnant?" or "my boobs look veiny today, do you think I'm pregnant?" (that one is one of my favorites).

I think I'm having these fake symptoms because I've already convinced myself that I'm pregnant. Lisa, get a grip of yourself!!! I'm going to end up like that one lady on tv who convinced herself that she was pregnant that her body started to produce hormones and her stomach grew into a pregnancy tummy (did I ever tell you I hate the word belly?). Pray for my sanity people, pray hard!

Testing is in 6 days.

Labor day weekend

Our Labor Day Weekend:

Saturday: We didn't play by the RE rules. The rules if you want to play is to test and call between 6:45am and 7am when you have a +opk and they will schedule your u/s and bloodwork later that day. Well I overslept and called at 7:45am so they could only do b/w. I was a little bummed about it because I curious to see what the clomid did to my little friends in there but the nurse was really pleased with the results of my b/w so she went ahead and scheduled my IUI for 7:45am the following day.

Sunday: I set my alarm clock, cell phone, and Danielle's clocks in fear of oversleeping and not being allowed to play again. We were so exhausted when we got there. I was a little worried though about the timing. I had 4 days of low temps (97.5) and then on Sunday, my temp spiked to 97.9. Now I've been temping for over a year and I knew that meant I had ovulated. However, we went anyway. I spoke to the nurse as soon as I got there before they even went to prepare our specimen and she reassured me that our timing was dead on. Now she could have been blowing smoke up my ass and if it was the same nurse from last month's debacle I wouldn't have trusted her but I felt reassured and waited the hour for our specimen to be prepared. Because of our traumatic IUI last month, a few weeks ago, I had called the office and insisted that I have a doctor do it. So who did we get? The icy doctor I wrote about in a previous entry. But you know, I was relieved to see her and felt at ease being in her care. Danielle came to the conclusion that the doctor just doesn't have a friendly personality. She didn't introduce herself to us. Keep in mind, she's never met Danielle and she only met me once last year. She was kind of abrupt and wasn't very nice when she told, I mean asked, Danielle to move out of the way so she could get into a drawer. I felt so bad for Danielle because the chair was by the drawer when we first got there so if it is a bad spot, it shouldn't have even been there in the first place. I think that my doctor, Dr. K., is definitely the most personable and gay friendly doc of the two. However, despite all of that, our IUI went great. It was sooooooooo much different than the one with the "trained" nurse. Amazing how 1,2,3, the speculum went in without an ounce of pain. Maybe Ice Doctor needs to teach the nurse that basic skill. Hey guess what? On our way out to pay our bill, we passed the doctor and she smiled, she actually smiled. She can't fool me though. I'm still convinced she just had gas.

Monday: I spent the entire day just feeling really tired with this icky stomach sensation. Trust me, I know it is too soon to experience any pregnancy stuff but I thought gosh, if I feel like this now, I wonder what being pregnant is going to be like.

I am definitely in trouble this cycle. I've already convinced myself that it has worked and all I am waiting for is 12dpo to test and get a +hpt. Ladies and gentlemen, this is NOT good. This means total heartbreak if it doesn't happen. I've been wondering where this optimism is coming from and I think it is a combination of things ranging from a better sample than last months, the doctor doing it, this being my 12th cycle and it has to happen at some point, the nurse's reassurance, me thinking it has to happen at some point. Oh wait, I said that. And I think there is some level of desperation (read- hope, strong desire, okay desperation) to be a mom and for this to happen. So maybe I need to take Gia's PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise) approach but I don't know if I am that brave because despite all this going through my head, there is a little voice that trying to take care and safeguard my heart by telling me to pull back a little and remind me that it may not happen.

Anyway, Katie from the glbt boards sent me a wonderful care package last week filled with opk's, a digital hpt, and 10 internet cheapies. It felt a little like christmas. I can't wait to start poas.

Stats: 2 dpo and counting.