Facebook En-vy:
-noun.
1. jealousy of friends past and present, but mostly past, who seem to have it all. Their status updates usually include something about their role as a mother, what they did with their children that day, or announce that they are pregnant. The pics that they post are of their darling children. When you connect with them for the first time in years their first questions to you include are you married, do you have children and when you reply "no" they remind you that you better hurry up "because your clock is ticking."
Yesterday, a friend announced she was pregnant and today someone actually had the clocking ticking conversation with me. I've had thoughts of deleting her (clock ticking girl) for unknowingly pissing me off and knowing nothing about my journey but I have to be better than that I suppose. I recently remembered something my mother told me that my mother had told her... don't envy others because you don't know how they got it or what they had to go through to get it. In essence, not everything that shines is gold. Sometimes I'd measured their success as mothers feeling pathetic compared to them but then through conversations I realized that they tend to define themeselves as mothers and are in unhappy marriages. I also realized that they may have facebook envy as well. While Danielle and I don't have children yet, we love each other dearly and are very committed to each other.
Talking about ttc, I'm finding the activity of monitoring Danielle's cycles quite amusing. She got a positive opk (digital) today so we know when to order the tank next month. In the meantime I'm waiting for AF to make her grand entrance so we can get this show on the road. This will be my last try before handing over the reigns. I feel at peace with this transition. I like the idea of nurturing Danielle through the pregnancy. I feel like I can still do all of the "pregnancy" stuff such as scrapbooking, journaling, pic taking, knitting baby items, etc. even if I'm not carrying. I know Danielle will not be as sappy as me about being pregnant. However, I know she will share in these moments with me because of her love for me and that child.
4 comments:
i was 1000% not sappy about being pregnant. TL read all of the pregnancy books and put together all the nursery items and the like. she researched the cloth diapers and everything. i feel like that helped her to be more a part of the process than even she realized at some points.
ultimately, i'm sure that whatever path you take will lead to baby and i hope that it's a joyful and happy path along the way! time passes so quickly - shortly this will all be a blur.
"I recently remembered something my mother told me that my mother had told her... don't envy others because you don't know how they got it or what they had to go through to get it. In essence, not everything that shines is gold."
Your mother is right... although I think we all have had facebook envy at one time.
Since this whole ttc process started I find myself looking at other pregnant women wondering what they had to go through to get that way. It hasn't happened for Holly and I yet either - but when it does, everything will seem perfect in our world.
I wish you luck on this cycle. Its good to have a plan B just in case. It gives you something to bounce off of if things fall through. No matter which plan you end up following - you two will have that baby you have both wanted for so long!
no one would have blamed you for deleting that "friend" from your facebook page! what an obnoxious comment.
im glad you are finding some peace with whatever lies ahead. however your baby comes to you, you and danielle are going to be great moms!
there is a book id recommend called "confessions of the other mother" - it's a collection of short essays. when i was going to be the non-bio mom, it really helped me think about that role in some ways i had never contemplated before. i think you can get it used on amazon for pretty cheap...
Good Luck this cycle!! and it's great that you have a plan B.
Looks like we'll be cycle buddies again. :)
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