I tested this morning and it was negative. I'm so incredibly sad that things couldn't turn out differently for me. I worry that this is affecting me way more than I want it to. I'm heartbroken, I feel broken, and I'm incredibly angry that I've gained so much weight from pumping myself up with all of these meds and not having anything to show for it other than shame for not being the thin person I was pre-ttc. I was horrified when I stepped on the scale this morning.
My RE wants me to come in and have a consultation with her but what can she suggest other than upping my meds and IVF? My FSA money is almost gone for another Gonal F round and I absolutely don't have out of pocket funds for IVF. I would consider an IVF loan but I fear that it won't work and I'll be stuck with this debt that will be a monthly reminder for a few years of my body failing me yet again.
I think the only saving grace in this is that Danielle should get a +opk this week and we'll be in the tww again.
9 comments:
I am so sorry Lisa. I so remember how this feels. I am still paying off our failed rounds from 2 years ago.
oh Lisa - I am so sorry. It is so not fair. My heart is breaking for you. You sound full of despair and anger at yourself. Please be gentle with yourself and give yourself some time before you make decisions. I urge you to take some time to grieve, get off the treadmill and let Danielle do her part next. I know that people go on about how time heals and it is a cliche, and it may not heal your broken heart but it may give you some more perspective, some more kindness to yourself and your body. I am thinking of you and sending you love and (((hugs)))
big ((hugs)). im so sorry this try didn't work out for you. i agree with the pp, switching uteri is a really hard thing to do. be kind to yourself these next few weeks
Oh Lisa :( I'm so very very sorry. You have been through so much and are so deserving of a BFP. I think you are so strong to switch to Danielle and I am in awe of that strength. I know you will have the family you have dreamed of even if it's not in the way you thought. Please take care of yourself and give yourself time to heal. Start doing those things you used to do but have put on hold because of TTC.
damn it! i'm sooo sorry Lisa. i'm sending hugs.
So, so sorry - there really are no words. Snuggle up with each other and take care of yourselves...
I am so sorry. I wish I could make things fair. I wish there were some magical words I could say to make you feel better. I know it's easier said than done, but I hope you don't stay angry with yourself too long. I admire the strength and grace it takes to switch uteri. I hope that Danielle's upcoming TWW lets you feel hopeful again soon. Somehow, it will all work out in the end.
I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you can find some peace. Hugs to you.
I'm so so sorry Lisa!!!((Hugs))!
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