Myopic-ism

Why is the weekend over already? No matter what the plans are, the weekend ends before you know it. I'm always filled with regrets of what I didn't get accomplished and what little relaxation I did. This weekend was a mixture of fun and work and aggrevation.

Saturday we stained the fence we put up 2 weekends ago (***note to others, it is much easier using a brush to get the stain on rather than a roller). The hilarious moment in that was I painted P3 on part of the fence before staining it and unfortunatley the stain didn't cover it up so there is P3 as bright as the sun on the fence!!! P3 is a running joke about Danielle being a professional poker player. Anyway, in continuing with our home improvements projects I staked and lined the shape of our patio that we will be working on over the next few weekends. Danielle has the nerve to complain about how much HGTV I watch but seriously, it pays off!!!!

It started off being a beautiful day on today so we headed over to a friend's house to jump in her pool. Little did we know there was construction on the parkway. So a 40 minute drive turned into a 2 hour drive. Needless to say I was NOT a happy person when we got there. Oh, and I forgot to add, while we were at a standstill in traffic it began to rain. We went in the pool anyway but it would have been nicer if it was beaming hot out like it was when we left our house. Anyway, we were suppose to go to the zoo tonight for a work event but skipped it and came home and grilled out. Menu: ribs, potato salad, corn, and beans. A totally cool bbq meal.

On a ttc note, I am finding that I am really stressed out about ttc. It's all I fucken think about. It's not even intentional. I find my mind just running about ordering, dates, timing, bloodwork, cost, PCOS, etc. over and over and over. I feel like i can't escape and I need to because I feel like my relationship is falling. Poor Danielle is a saint to put up with me. I have been incredibly bitchy, snipping, and withdrawn in every sense of the word. I don't even mean to be, it just happens. At times I even startle myself with how nasty I am towards her. It's so unfortunate that the person you love the most is the one who gets the brunt of eveything. I know that ttc can put stress on a relationship and on one hand I feel like I should be past that because it's been over 16 months but on the other hand, I know that the 16+ months is probably the reason. KWIM? It's just a really tough situation that I'm finding more and more difficult to dig myself out of. It's suprising because normally I feel really good at the start of every cycle. Like a new try and a new chance. I just don't know why I'm not feeling that now.

Last night, we drove to get sushi and ice-cream. I know what a combo but i really wanted a chocolate banana milkshake and Danielle wanted sushi. Anyway, we were driving by two areas that are great Saturday night spots. The first one for clubs and bars and the second one for dates. Everyone was just so dressed up and I thought, "god, where are the days when I loved getting ready to go out dancing. When did going for a shake and sushi become a Saturday night highlight" and later "where are the days when you felt and looked hot?" I really feel like I've lost some of my va va voom. I think it's the terrible weight gain. I just don't feel like that spunky 20 something anymore. Maybe because I'm at the doorstep of being a 30 something? (Sigh). So my mission my dear friends...is to bring Lisa back.