Baby Shower Day

In four hours, I have two baby showers to attend. I can do this.

UPDATE: I had a great time at both showers. Both friends are so dear and have been so supportive throughout my journey. Even during one of the showers, my friend Shirley asked how my journey was going. Just such a sweet gesture when this was clearly her day and should have been the last thing on her mind. I felt wonderful in my dress. Sometimes it's funny how small things like a new dress, shoes, or a new shade of eye shadow can make you feel pretty.

At the second baby shower, I found out from my friends that the third baby shower mama gave birth to her twins 16 weeks early. My heart just ached at the news. C and her husband ttc'd for 6 years before getting pregnant with twins. She's been there, done that when it comes to going to every one's baby showers and wondering when it will be her turn so I was ecstatic when she announced her pregnancy. She gave birth to two girls (they didn't want to find out the sex until birth). However, both girls weigh a little over 1 pound each. One seems to be doing a little better than the other but if you can, please please please just keep both girls in your thoughts and prayers. C, is such a wonder woman. So kind, caring, and generous. I just want her babies to pull through and be healthy. She's waited so long for these precious children.

Longing

Returning home has been incredibly depressing (except for seeing Danielle). I miss the sun, the warm temps and the beach like crazy. I miss the nice neighborhood where people take pride in caring for their property and wave to you as they pass by. I miss all of the fun activities to do because it's so warm outside. Returning home to 50 degree weather, rain, and clouds sucked.

Me at 3

The other morning my dad dug out the photo album and we had a good laugh looking over old photos. Here's one of me at age 3. My mother knitted that outfit for me. The hilarious thing in this pic is the wallpaper. Can you imagine that at one point it was sold in stores, let alone in style?

Belly Dancing: the new sexy

Florida couldn't be any better. Actually it could if Danielle were here. But I'm having a great time visiting with my parents. I haven't seen both of them in a while.

Last night we went to watch belly dancers at a Mediterranean spot. My mother, apparently has been taking belly dancing. This, my friends is totally shocking. The show was so fantastic that I've decided to look into taking some classes when I get home. Apparently, the more tummy you have the more sensual and erotic you are viewed. Given that, I'd be a rock star, thanks to the joys of ttc. There's just something really beautiful about the way these women were admired given their shapes and the way they moved.

I'm in complete awe of my parents. Retirement has allowed them to enjoy working on their hobbies and they are really good at it. My dad is an excellent woodworker. I'll include some pics of furniture he's made which include headboards for the guest room, a chest of drawers, two armoires for my mother's quilts, and chairs for their patio. Although their home was a new build, he's done an amazing job installing crown molding and other little details to enhance the look.

My mother on the other hand has been bitten by the baby bug. No, she's not ttc at the age of 56, however, she's making lots of baby items such as blankets, diaper bags, sleep sacs and purses. One purse is so ideal for a mini diaper bag that I'm going to give it as a gift for one of the baby showers. It's enough for a few diapers, wipes, and a bottle. There's a purse that you can throw inside as well that matches. It holds credit cards, money, etc. They are awesome. She's done so well that people have commissioned her to make pieces for them and she's sold tons of stuff at different craft shows. I need to figure out how to get her online. Any thoughts? I'm not even sure if she wants to be online but she ought to be.

So what's on the agenda for today? Crabs and a street party/festival. We are going to pick up my granny in a little bit so we can go to where the fishermen sell their catches of the day and buy fresh crabs. My granny then boils them adds corn on the cob to the boil and then drains it all. Then she lays newspaper on the patio table, paper plates, warms a loaf of french bread in the oven, and puts it all out on the table with a big pitcher of homemade lemonade. Ideally, my mother and I would love to have wine with this wonderful feast but rule #1, no drinking around grandma... EVER! Anyway, with some good music and chatter, this is a great meal with family. Afterwards we are going to a street festival with that I've been told has lots of music and treats.

Yikes!

Try #15 has been put on hold. This morning they found a "large clear fluid cyst" on my right side. I was given the option of taking birth control and allowing it to go down on its own or taking birth control and aspirating it. I chose the first one as I have to be on a plane in 2 hours and have no desire to be under IV sedation again. Well at least now I don't have to worry about taking my needles on the plane.

Talk to you when I touch down in sunny Florida.

Florida, here I come

I'm leaving for Florida on Thursday right after my day 3 u/s. Oh I cannot wait to lay in the sun with a good book. It's a perfect way to end my leave of absence as I will be returning to work on the 27th. It's also nice to be pampered by one's parents for an entire week. My goal is to pack light (i.e. carry on) but I'm worried about them giving me a hard time about my Gonal F syringes.

With sun on my mind for the past few weeks, we picked our summer vacation spot... Los Angeles in August. We are going to visit my BFF Erica who has been nice enough to offer us her home and SUV for the week so we can sight see on our own while she is at work. I've already done some googling and will get a book from the library but for anyone who lives in LA or has vacationed there what are your suggestions for sights, must do's, restaurants, beaches, clubs, etc? We will have our Gigi (our GPS) so the possibilities are endless.

Facebook Envy

Facebook En-vy:

-noun.

1. jealousy of friends past and present, but mostly past, who seem to have it all. Their status updates usually include something about their role as a mother, what they did with their children that day, or announce that they are pregnant. The pics that they post are of their darling children. When you connect with them for the first time in years their first questions to you include are you married, do you have children and when you reply "no" they remind you that you better hurry up "because your clock is ticking."


Yesterday, a friend announced she was pregnant and today someone actually had the clocking ticking conversation with me. I've had thoughts of deleting her (clock ticking girl) for unknowingly pissing me off and knowing nothing about my journey but I have to be better than that I suppose. I recently remembered something my mother told me that my mother had told her... don't envy others because you don't know how they got it or what they had to go through to get it. In essence, not everything that shines is gold. Sometimes I'd measured their success as mothers feeling pathetic compared to them but then through conversations I realized that they tend to define themeselves as mothers and are in unhappy marriages. I also realized that they may have facebook envy as well. While Danielle and I don't have children yet, we love each other dearly and are very committed to each other.

Talking about ttc, I'm finding the activity of monitoring Danielle's cycles quite amusing. She got a positive opk (digital) today so we know when to order the tank next month. In the meantime I'm waiting for AF to make her grand entrance so we can get this show on the road. This will be my last try before handing over the reigns. I feel at peace with this transition. I like the idea of nurturing Danielle through the pregnancy. I feel like I can still do all of the "pregnancy" stuff such as scrapbooking, journaling, pic taking, knitting baby items, etc. even if I'm not carrying. I know Danielle will not be as sappy as me about being pregnant. However, I know she will share in these moments with me because of her love for me and that child.

My Big Girl Panties

I tried wearing my big girl panties this morning and ended up needing a new pair of shoes to go with them. All three of the baby shower moms are registered at BRU and Target so I figured I'd look up the registries online this morning, identify what I will buy each of them and be done with it. Theoretically, it seemed like the easiest way to avoid the feelings that will surely rise up like bile if I were to go into BRU and wander around with three registry lists in hand, looking at all of the cute baby stuff, knowing that none of it is for us. But unconsciously, I think it put me in a funk. Because the next thing I knew I was looking at dresses online and then in my car on the way to the mall. I tried on a few dresses, settled on one that I will wear to the baby shower (because if I'm not pregnant, I might as well look hot), and bought a pair of shoes.

I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir but there's nothing like a new pair of shoes to make things all better (and a Cadbury Flake).

Susan

A friend of mine is dying of ovarian cancer. Although I don't know what to say or do, I think I will go visit her tomorrow if she is allowed visitors.

UPDATE (Thursday, April 9th): I went to visit Susan today. I didn't go yesterday as planned bc of my bad mood but today was a better day anyway. It was great to see her and physically she looked great. However, it was evident within 5 minutes that cognitively she was not doing very well. She appeared confused at times, experienced delayed responses, and would easily go off into a deep thought in mid conversation. Despite all of that, I spent about 2 hours visiting which was way longer than I anticipated. Her partner came about an hour in which made the visit even better.

The Bug

I envy Samantha Brown from the Travel Channel. She has what I feel like is the coolest, most glam job ever. She gets to travel around the world, enjoy the perks of the best hotels, experience different cultures, and eat great food on someone elses dime. Even her wardrobe is taken care of. Who wouldn't love to get paid to travel and try out cool excursions? After watching a few of her shows over the weekend I have the travel bug.

I'm dying to take Danielle to England. Although I didn't grow up in London (I grew up further north in Leeds), I think that's where I'd like to take her and spend most of our time. We would make an exception to see my brother who lives outside of London. However, the cost of flying to the UK is outrageous and the currency conversion from dollars to pounds sucks!

My other itch is to be on a beach. I've heard great things about South Beach but I also get the feeling it's a little spring break like and have no desire to be around drunk college students. I guess it doesn't help that my parents just left for Jamaica this morning so I'm feeling quite envious.

Danielle and I generally usually reserve our vacations for the winter months, simply because I'd rather be on a beach during the winter and enjoy the warm weather at home during the summer. But I'm wondering if maybe we can switch it up. However, Danielle refuses to go on vacation if she's pregnant.

Yep, you read right, Danielle and pregnant were in the same sentence. Our ttc journey has been a long one. I started ttc two years ago, 14 tries ago, thousands and thousands of dollars ago, you get the picture. Although there's nothing more in the world I want to be than be pregnant, I've also gotten to a place where I just want to start our family. And if that means I have to bow out and let Danielle take over, well then I'm just going to have to put on my big girl panties (not to be confused with granny panties) and let her try.

So the plan is to monitor her this month while I do my last round of injectables. If I get a bfn, then she will take over in May and try several times and I'll take over for a few tries until one of us gets a bfp. I feel like knowing my luck she will get pregnant on the first try and I will then have to deal with what that implicates about me. But that's the goal right? For one of us to get pregnant this year.

Talking about wearing my big girl panties, I've been invited to not one but two baby showers this month and one next month. What's the icing to all of this? Yesterday, I was asked to co-host one of them. What was I going to say? No. All invitations are from dear friends so this calls for the Victoria Secret panties. I figure if I'm going to do this, I might as well do it with some mental flair. I'd lie if I said this isn't going to be incredibly hard for me. Receiving the cute invitation in the mail on the day AF started was hard enough, then I opened up my trap and gave away my baby shower theme and the co-host loves it and wants to use it. So now I have to work hard on coming up with another theme that she will love just as much and want to use.

So I'm taking suggestions for baby shower themes and vacation spots.