It's finally in

I have been waiting for this.... drum roll...... The Fall Line up. Although this means summer is coming to an end, I HEART my fall shows. This is when both of our Tivos get so maxed out with recordings.

http://www.tvguide.com/special/fall-preview-2008/fall-schedule.aspx

Definite must haves on our Tivo Season Pass:

• Biggest Loser
• America's Next Top Model
• Amazing Race----I want to be on this show
• Ugly Betty
• Private Practice
• Grey's Anatomy
• The Office
• Desperate Housewives
• Brothers and Sisters ------ I love love love this show

I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!

Work, Work and more Work

I've been exhausted these last few days. My new work schedule is crazy. However, I've been totally engrossed in E. Lynn Harris' new book. Which is sooooooo good. Anyway, off to bed.

Royal Caribbean Crusing- AGAIN!!!

Ahhhhh, there's nothing like taking your mind off baby making like planning a vacation. With turning 30 looming over my head, I've decided the only way I'm going to make it through is to be on vacation and bring my 30's in with a bang!

Danielle and I went on a cruise in January and we had a blast. We went left out of Miami and went to Nassau, Key West, and Cococay. It was the best vacation ever. We did things we've never done before like snorkel, go on jet skis (waverunners), and parasail. It was just a great time. Danielle played a poker tournament on the ship in their casino and won second place.

So this time around we are planning a cruise on one of their newer ships, Freedom of the Seas. We will be leaving out of Miami and going to San Juan, Puerto Rico; Charlotte Amalie, St. Thomas; Philipsburg, St. Maarten; and back to Miami, Florida.

Here are some of the wonderful features of ship:
FlowRider®---------that's that surfing water feature
H2O Zone---------- water slides, etc
Cantilevered whirlpools
Rock-climbing wall
Ice-skating rink------------yes an ice-skating rink
Royal Promenade
Extensive WiFi capabilities and connectivity for cell phones
Full-size, flat-screen TVs in every stateroom
Themed bars and lounges
Adventure Ocean® youth facilities
Fitness Center and Day Spa
Full-size Everlast boxing ring----------Can't wait to show off my Rocky skills
Casino RoyaleSM--------------------Danielle will take it down again
Presidential Family Suite
Sports Pool
Full-size sports court
9-hole miniature golf course-----------------how fun
Johnny Rockets® '50s-style restaurant
Portofino Italian Restaurant
Chops Grille
Ben & Jerry's® ice cream
Vintages wine bar
Boleros Latin-themed lounge
Sorrento's pizza

Now if I'm preggo, it will be hard to do some of the excursions we did on our last cruise but we will still have fun. I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Baby Names

Thank god it is the weekend. I am 100% exhausted, partly due to staying up watching the Olympics and partly due to my new work schedule. So I'm looking forward to relaxing and trying out some recipes from my new Thai cookbook. YUM!

Things between my SIL and I have worked out well. We had a talk and I really have a new understanding of what she has been going through. I am excited for the birth of my new niece/nephew in January 2009. They will find out the sex September 15th. I am really rooting for a boy. I know when they were pregnant last year, they were planning on naming the baby Winston James if it were a boy. I don't know what the baby names are now.

Danielle is dead set on naming our daughter Marissa. We haven't been able to come up with a middle name. All of the names I like, Danielle HATES but I get the choice in the middle name since she got to pick the first name. With the boy names we switched because I like Jaden (I like it spelled Jaiden but everyone tells me that spelling is for girls) anyway, and Danielle like Tyler so he will be Jaden Tyler. I will kill anyone who calls him JT. Danielle likes the name Darius but with my English accent, she hates the way I say it so that's out. That's okay because I am not really fond of it. However, I'm sure when the time comes and we are pouring over baby name books, things will change.

Auntie Lisa

My brother called me today to tell me that I am going to be an aunt in January. Pretty exciting stuff. I feel sad that his gf and I aren't as close anymore. After losing the little one last year, she disconnected from me. We went from chatting on the telephone almost daily to no contact. Now we text but usually it's initated by me. I hope there is some resolution soon. I just keep on telling myself that no matter how much I want a sister (I've been begging my parents for one for as long as I can remember), my brother's gf is not my sister and I can't expect sisterly things from her, no matter how much I fantasize about it. My brothers are so lucky they have both a brother and a sister.

Try #12

My temp dropped like crazy so we are moving on to try #12. Maybe one day we'll get this right. Where's the chocolate?

The woes of testing too early

I tested yesterday. It was negative. Sometimes I handle bfn's gracefully, sometimes, not so much. I know, I know 11dpo is early, things could change, blah blah blah, I know the drill. We'll probably test again over the weekend. Fingers crossed. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take, yet I'm not ready to throw in the towel.

On a more exciting front.... We've mastered level 3 on Mario 3. Wahoo!!!!!!!!! We've also found the secret whistle on level 1 that will allow us to warp to levlel 5, 6, and 7. We have yet to master level 7 and it doesn't look good.

1ww dreams

After 11 cycles of ttc, I can escape the imaginary symptoms, I can escape the need to poas starting at 9 dpo (barely). However, I just can't avoid the 1ww dreams. Aggrrr, the oh so emotionally driven 1ww dreams. What are they you ask? They are the dreams that focus on being pregnant and while you are having them they feel so incredibly real, you just know it's happening for real. All until the alarm clock rings and you realize, "no, it was all just a dream." You are hit with sadness at the realization and a heavy heart. Last night, I had my second 1ww dreams for this cycle. I had a dream that I had IB and then the next day I tested and I had a bfp. I felt so sad when I woke up.

Anyway, off to make dinner: Beef and shrimp fried rice. Wish me luck.

9 dpo- no symptoms (real or imaginary). 3 days until testing. Trying to believe that this will happen to me.

A Vespa= going green?

They're cute, they're tiny, they scream me!!! I don't even know where I got the idea but a few weeks ago, I got the idea that I want a Vespa. They are so Euro and so eco-friendly. Well maybe that's a stretch but you get about 70mpg, which in essence means you are using less gas which is eco-friendly right? I could just see me vepsing (yes, I made that word up) around town, back and forth to work.

Ladies night out with the blog girls is driving me nuts!!! In fear of sounding like an addict, all week I've been wanting a glass of wine, a fruity slushy alcoholic beverage, or a glass of bailey's. I log on to read everyone's blogs and what does everyone have? Delicious looking Sex on the Beach, Daiquiris and shots on their blog pages. WHYYYYYYYY? Why must you all inadvertently taunt me? LOL! Only teasing, I love the idea of celebrating our ttc journey. Cheers to all! Tomorrow I'm suppose to go to Sandbar, which is an outdoor beach themed club for a friend's birthday. You know because its beach themed they are going to have beachy drinks. I'd love to indulge but on the other hand I kind of have to protect this costly investment potentially going on inside of me. So for now, I'll just have a virtual drink. Let me tell you, its NOT the same.

Speaking about the beach, I called my parents (they live in FL) to say hi and they tell me they won't be home for a few days, they are going to St. Kitts for a few days. MUST BE NICE!!!! But I guess this is what retirement is all about. I just wish they invited me.

On a ttc note.... Sometimes for s&g (shits and giggles) I temp in the evening just to get an idea of what may happen in the morning. Anyway, my temps are a little low so I'm curious about that. I'm kind of hoping for IB this weekend just to give me some hope but I know it doesn't always happen to women who end up being pregnant. I don't have any real or imaginary symptoms to report. Those don't usually kick in until the 1ww so stay posted.

I've moved the poas day to Wednesday (11dpo) or Thursday (12dpo). I only have 2 FRER and I don't want to buy any more.

My addiction

I am addicted to Mario 3. Damn if I can get past the 3rd world though. It's our (yes, Danielle is addicted right along with me) goal to conquer it tonight. Playing Mario has been a wonderful, wonderful distraction through the tww.

7 days and counting or is it 6?

It only takes one

After thawing, our donor had a sample of 19 million. We were told by the nurse that it was a very good sample so we left feeling rather happy about it. Then after chatting with some of the women on BBC I found out that there have been known samples of 75-100 million with a higher motility so I definitely felt a little bummed. When I told Danielle she said I crushed her "hopes and dreams" being the little drama queen she can be sometimes. However, I was also told that some women have had samples as low as 5 million and still got preggo so I'll acquiesce to remembering that it only takes 1.

8 days and counting.

Doing it ol' school

While visiting a few weeks ago, my brother showed me how to buy old games on our Wii. So last night Danielle and I bought Mario 1 and Mario 3, you know, the old school versions for the original nintendo. Those games are hilarious. We are having so much fun reminiscing about the days we played it as a child. I think I was in about 6th or 7th grade when these games were big. It's so funny how much you remember from so long ago like where there are hidden blocks. There are just some things we can't remember for the life of us. We are still trying to clear world 3!!!!

My first IUI

That nurse is a bitch! I wonder if she knew that I called last night and left a message asking for the doctor to perform the IUI instead. I got a call this morning informing me that the doctor wasn't in at all and that the nurse would be performing all of the IUI's this morning. She went on to spell out her training in doing this and then asks if I want to reschedule if I don't feel comfortable. Um, this isn't the dentist's office where timing isn't a factor. So if I don't do it today, that means, I have to wait a whole other cycle. And furthermore, if I did that, I would ovulate on a Sunday next month which would put us in the same position. So without much of a choice, I agreed to still come in.

We are in the IUI room and she tells me the process of the IUI, stating that the only thing that may hurt is the speculum going in. I'm thinking well that should be a piece of cake because speculums don't hurt that much. Well, she wasn't lying... she literally and I mean literally jammed it in me, about 3 times. I was so far up on the table and all I hear her saying is "relax." How can I relax when you are hurting me? Danielle said it looked like she was raping my vagina. Finally, maybe out of frustration, she asked if I wanted to insert it. So 1,2,3 and it was in but then she took over again and started being rough again to get the cervix in place. Highly trained, my ass!!! I wanted to take my foot out of the stirrup and kick her in her head. Anyway, the actual insemination of the jizz went well. So we'll see in two weeks if this worked.

Countdown: 14 days until testing. Oh who am I kidding? 10 days until testing.

On the verge of a temper tantrum

Riddle: Someone is referred to a specialist to assist with fertility. That same person is asked to pay $280 for an IUI to be performed. Who should perform the IUI?

Answer: Um, maybe the specialist.

I got my +opk this morning on cd 14 like clockwork. So I called to schedule my IUI which is tomorrow at 8:30am. I really wanted Dr. K to perform the IUI because I really like her but I found out that the ice queen doctor is scheduled to be in the office tomorrow. Fine, whatever, I'll take her. She knows her stuff, started the clinic and so I'll deal with it. You never know, I may even have a change of heart about her. But oh no, the receptionist added that the doctor may not even perform the IUI, the nurse may. Now don't get me wrong, I think nurses are great and they do really good work. To boot, I am sure she is trained to perform IUI's. But I wasn't referred to a nurse, I was referred to a specialist and if I'm expected to pay $280 to have a IUI performed by a specialist, well then I want a freaken specialist to do it. I know this sounds like a little temper tantrum but trust me, it's not. I can't vouch for not having one tomorrow though, especially if it is the nurse who told me that I had PCOS.

If it was routine for all of the patients to have a nurse perform an IUI I wouldn't have a problem with it. As I said, I'm sure she is highly trained to do it. But it's not routine so why should I be picked out of the bunch? If I'm being referred to a specialist, then I want the doctor to deal with me start to finish, especially when it comes to what I feel is the most important part of this whole process.

On a opk note... the same sticks used for the CBE digitals (smiley's) can also be used right afterwards in the CBEFM.

Forgivness being a foreigner

Am I naive in thinking that the older I get, the more I'd be accepted? Since moving to America, one of my biggest challenges is being readily accepted by black girls. Most automatically judge me, sometimes even before having an actual conversation with me. I think they hear me talk and automatically assume that I'm a snob or think that I think I'm too good. I've never truly understood it but just came to accept it. Actually, accept the process. Here's the process.... they see or meet me, think I'm a snob, don't talk to me, alienate me, then one person will be nice enough to seek me out and have a conversation, and then afterwards they like me. I've literally had people who are my friends now tell me they prejudged me thinking that just because I am English, I would be a certain way but when they actually took the time, found out I was completely different than their initial perception. The frustrating thing is that the reason they've learned to accept me for who I am is because I'm English. As though being English is all the explanation they need but if I wasn't English then it would be 100% unacceptable. It's a total pass. It's bullshit.

So where is all of this coming from? Well I've been at my new job for the past 3 weeks and it feels like high school. I've literally had the girl who sits closest to me blatantly ignore me when I've said hi/bye or smiled at her but totally acknowledge others, even Danielle. Out of about 20 black girls close by me, there is only ONE girl who consistently says hi to me and smiles to me. When I asked for her assistance today, I think she got up enough courage to start a conversation with me and how does she start it? By saying "you're not from here are you?" As though that is the get of jail free pass I'm awarded for talking the way I do, for being the way I am, etc. As though if I was from America it would be totally unacceptable.

No one understands how frustrating this is. My own girlfriend makes fun of me at times and
suggests she is "more black than I am." How fucked up is that? I wonder why this is such an issue in America, this "being black enough." This is not an issue in England. You would just think that at 29 years old, being around other adults, that this wouldn't be an issue.