Am I naive in thinking that the older I get, the more I'd be accepted? Since moving to America, one of my biggest challenges is being readily accepted by black girls. Most automatically judge me, sometimes even before having an actual conversation with me. I think they hear me talk and automatically assume that I'm a snob or think that I think I'm too good. I've never truly understood it but just came to accept it. Actually, accept the process. Here's the process.... they see or meet me, think I'm a snob, don't talk to me, alienate me, then one person will be nice enough to seek me out and have a conversation, and then afterwards they like me. I've literally had people who are my friends now tell me they prejudged me thinking that just because I am English, I would be a certain way but when they actually took the time, found out I was completely different than their initial perception. The frustrating thing is that the reason they've learned to accept me for who I am is because I'm English. As though being English is all the explanation they need but if I wasn't English then it would be 100% unacceptable. It's a total pass. It's bullshit.
So where is all of this coming from? Well I've been at my new job for the past 3 weeks and it feels like high school. I've literally had the girl who sits closest to me blatantly ignore me when I've said hi/bye or smiled at her but totally acknowledge others, even Danielle. Out of about 20 black girls close by me, there is only ONE girl who consistently says hi to me and smiles to me. When I asked for her assistance today, I think she got up enough courage to start a conversation with me and how does she start it? By saying "you're not from here are you?" As though that is the get of jail free pass I'm awarded for talking the way I do, for being the way I am, etc. As though if I was from America it would be totally unacceptable.
No one understands how frustrating this is. My own girlfriend makes fun of me at times and
suggests she is "more black than I am." How fucked up is that? I wonder why this is such an issue in America, this "being black enough." This is not an issue in England. You would just think that at 29 years old, being around other adults, that this wouldn't be an issue.
2 comments:
Oh sweetheart did you hit the nail on the head with this one.I can tell you that it happens even if you were born in the good ole USA. I've never been black enough for black women. I don't talk the right way,have the right interest,like the right music, eat the right foods or enjoy the right activities.I've been called everything from oreo to anything else they can think of to say I'm actually white just chocolate covered white right to my face.
Even in the black lesbian community I have been snubbed, because I have a relaxer and not a NATURAL doo.And I don't wear pachouli or tatoos.Like I have to suffer through being tender headed to PROVE I'm a lesbian.To hell with that sh*t!I don't bother asking them out any more or even look in that direction.Why? Because it can be something as simple as them asking "where do you want to go to eat" that will have them asking me if I'm sure I'm black. They are then furiously told about themselves and that cancels the date.lol
So,it's not just your place of origin.I'm still trying to find the "The black lesbians" handbook ,because I never got my copy.
I always wondered how if was for black women coming here from the UK. When I visited the UK one of the nice revelations was a seeming lack of black/white excessive racism. Now I was there a short time, but on TV programs, and other places it never seemed to be a deal. I hate how in the 21st century there is still shock and awe at inter-racial relationships here. I hate how everything still seems to have that skew of looking at things with the "color" being some major important filter or something, as if it is always hyper noticed. this is the land of mutts and was started as such so why the obsession with race and color, hell and sexuality for that matter. Didn't we come here to get away from the religious righteous as well?? ow look at us.
I am rambling. I am white and was raised with all the privilege but I always have been so sickened by this issue here.
Anyhow thanks for the lovely comments on my blog.
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